Is She or Isn’t She? Part Twenty Three

Copyright Deni Wom 2004

Bobbi walked slowly as he headed home, thinking as he walked. A little voice in his head started asking him questions. Questions like ‘Why did you refuse Staci when she clearly wanted to make love with you over the last year or so?’

Bobbi realized that he was somehow beyond lying to himself any more. He thought about it only for an instant before, in brilliant clarity, he knew that he had preferred porn to his own wife. He felt shame at that, knowing that about himself. He remembered the many times Staci had asked him to go to bed with her over the last year. He had blown her off so many times. Chagrinned, he remembered watching black cocks fucking white women’s cunts, masturbating to orgasm until he could not cum any more, then going to bed. Tears filled his eyes as he remembered lying there, feeling her tiny body silently crying, her back to him, hiding her feelings of exclusion. Why in the hell had he done that, he wondered. And not just once, but many, many times.

So his wife, who did love him more than her own life, had come to him. She had found a way to give him what she perceived to be what he wanted, a black man fucking a white woman. She had become his fantasy……… to please him. He could see it now.

Then he thought about what she had said. “I have Cancer.” She had apologized to HIM! For having CANCER! Bobbi was deeply ashamed of his INCREDIBLE selfishness.

So she had met Wendell as she was looking for a way to provide him with what he would need after she died. She had done this for him, her beloved husband, rather than focus on her own problems. She had lovingly tried to solve his coming problems. ‘My god, what a woman, what a loving wife!’ he thought as he rounded the last corner before his house. THEIR house!

Bobbi promised himself that he would begin anew, he would focus on his wife’s remaining days, be the husband he knew he should have been all along, but wasn’t. Bobbi cried in relief as he worked to forgive himself for being the self centered schmuck he had been for so many years. Time to focus on HER now, his beloved wife. Time to be what he knew he should be, could be.

Then he remembered the benefit, Wendell's benefit.