There are basically three different attitudes that people have during sex. More specifically, attitudes toward their partner, as they have sex.
They can be categorized, perhaps ‘summed-up’ is a better term, in three very different words, all prepositions.
When you and your partner have intercourse, are you doing ‘it’
TO them, or
FOR them, or
WITH them?
If indeed you are doing it WITH them, then you ARE “making love”. You will probably have an orgasm, you will both probably say “I love you” after the fireworks (and mean it), and you are probably fairly happy in your relationship.
If instead you are doing it FOR them, then the odds are high that you are non-orgasmic, or way too tired, or not turned on by them. You are pretending. You are basically not being honest with the person that is sexing you. Your partner is most likely frustrated, and will in all likelihood have an affair in the near future with someone else.
If you are doing it TO them, then your partner is most likely not a very sexual person. They may deliberately not allow themselves to feel like a sexual being, or they may have religious beliefs about the supposed depravity of enjoying sex, or they may feel trapped in the relationship with you. . . . . . Or, you may so over-power your partner’s needs that you are disregarding their feelings. Either way, you are both probably pretty unhappy.
If categorized in my three favorite ways of looking at human relationships, Hunting, Farming, and Fishing, the following could be said:
If you typically Hunt people, you will most likely do it TO them. Hunting people kills relationships. Hunting results in a kill, when successful. And the fatality in a sexual relationship is the love your partner feels for you.
If you typically Farm people, you will most likely do it WITH them. This is called True Love, results in grateful giving, and satisfies the deepest needs of both partners.
If you typically Fish people, you will most likely do it FOR them. People who Fish others are passive wall flowers that cannot be assertive regarding their own needs. Eventually, the passive one becomes disenchanted with the relationship and withdraws further and further until there are two old people sitting other their porch in rockers, dour looks on their faces, never talking to each other. And then they die. And no one knows what saying to put on their gravestone.
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3 comments:
Very interesting post...the kind that gets you thinking....I like that. So I was thinking....couldn't you be all three in the same relationship? I'm sure I was in my last long term romance and it lasted until she passed away (eight years together). Seems to me that as time passes with the same lover your style adapts to that persons needs at the moment and of course your own needs. What do you think?
I agree with you whole heartedly that at various times in any relationship, the couple can be in any of the three scenarios. Especially if they are sensitive to not allowing boredom into their marriage/relationship. But the normal, day to day, when everything seems to be going right, tends to be one of those three situations. And the happiest couples, I believe, are in the Farming, "With", making love type of interaction. I also beleive that when aberations in normality, such as a Dom/Sub relationship, or a cuckolding relationship is established and accepted by the couple, then a duality of the two other two scenarios often become the norm. Maybe I should do an article on this?
I think that would be an interesting topic....I'm sure there are alot of partners out there....and individuals as well that may appreciate your views on the subject.
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